


Almost Kathryn

by august_the_real



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3148349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/august_the_real/pseuds/august_the_real
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm almost drowning in her sea<br/>She's nearly crawling on her knees<br/>It's almost everything I need</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Kathryn

Almost Kathryn  
by august  
(mrsrosiebojangles@gmail.com)

 

\---

 

\---

It was almost Kathryn, even the end.

She came to me, that morning, surprising me in my hotel. I had guessed  
that she would come, in the back of my mind I had known that she  
would. It didn't make it any easier.

After the funeral, we had had dinner. In my mind, I could almost  
imagine that these were the old days. It felt like the old days, with   
a bottle of wine between us. I found my eyes following her across the   
room in a way that I hadn't done in years.

I had to fight to remind myself that it *wasn't* the old days. That  
she *wasn't* the same person.

But I could almost imagine that we were.

 

Things had changed so much, for all of us.

We had all become lost in the Alpha Quadrant, in our little ways. I  
had spent the past six months searching for ghosts -- missing members   
of the Maquis who had been seemingly blinked out of existence. I   
should have stopped after the third attempt but something inside of me   
\-- something close to guilt, made me go to house after house, until   
every idea was exhausted, every memory was erased.

It refueled my anger in a way that Voyager had been able to quell it.  
But I was too old, and tired for this battle, and the universe had  
moved on around me.

I heard about Harry through Kathryn. In one of our infrequent  
communiqués she had mentioned that his new posting had been declared  
missing, presumed dead. She had said it quickly, housed between  
sentences about her puppies and the new admiralty appointments. I  
didn't have to hear her say it to know how it effected her.

He had never seen his parents.

Seven was perhaps the biggest surprise. After the parades and the  
interviews, after her image had been shown on every news feed in the  
Quadrant, she had simply left Earth. No one knows where she went. It  
was a kind of a slap in a face for Kathryn, who had treated her almost  
like family. Ironic, isn't it, that in the end the person she would   
let closest to her would be the Borg?

And of course I heard about Kathryn, herself, although at times I  
wished I hadn't. As I continued my journey through space, searching   
for dead colleagues, I read about her desk job. About her promotion.   
It was exactly as she had wanted, I supposed. I couldn't imagine   
anything else.

\---

In all the years I had known her, through all the chaos and  
catastrophe that had plagued us on Voyager, the first time I had ever   
seen Kathryn cry -- really cry -- was at the funeral. It surprised me,   
and broke my heart with the secret realisation that I had believed she   
couldn't feel enough to let herself cry.

In all the years I had known her, the first time Kathryn had come to  
me with promise and hope, was that morning in my hotel. She spoke   
simply and with passion, in that voice that made me fall in love all   
again. And as she moved to me, I was charged by a desire that I had   
thought was long dead.

It was almost everything I needed.

Almost enough to erase the Borg, and Kellin and Starfleet and Maquis  
and the long fucking years of absence. Almost enough to pretend that   
we were the same people. Almost enough for me to begin again.

I think that it was my touch on her elbow that made her freeze. Her  
eyes flew to mine, and she understood my intent. The moment blanketed   
us, and I had to reach out for her as she stumbled away, embarrassed   
and hurt.

I don't remember what I said. I don't remember much else about that  
night, except that I *thanked her* for telling me. Thanked her for  
giving me an eternal regret.

There was one last thing.

As she walked to the door I noticed, suddenly, that she had let her  
hair grow out. For some reason -- more than anything, it brought tears   
to my eyes. A wave of memories from the old life assaulted me -- of   
New Earth, of moonlight sailing on Lake George. Of Kathryn.

I watched her hair swing down her back and my stomach twisted in  
knots. I felt like I should call out to her, but my hands were heavy   
and my throat froze up. It was over.

So, with the distance, and the conversations and people that were  
always between us, I watched her walk away.

You see, it was almost everything I needed.

It was almost Kathryn.


End file.
